My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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