I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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