I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
