Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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