I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
