I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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