my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
