tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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