I'm lost and stupid without you.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
