its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He literally asked permission to hit on me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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