Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize