I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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