A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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