and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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