I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize