I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize