i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
