It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
