things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sober January is a disaster.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
