Non-Jews are for practice
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
there is puke in my bra ... again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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