He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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