corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
