I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
