no, he came in my armpit
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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