with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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