allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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