Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
