Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize