You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
