im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
