At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
