my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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