What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
