I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
