I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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