I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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