my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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