you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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