38 yer olds are good kisserssss
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize