xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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