I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
