i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
