she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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