Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
