dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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