yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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