well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
