Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??