I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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