and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
