I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize