I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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