East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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