God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
