actually, I'm a sock model
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize