Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
