Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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