do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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