My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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