So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
